Recently, a group of acquaintances got together and over drinks and dinner spoke about marriages and their state of marriage. One of them who married a really good-looking spouse did not look like he was enjoying his marriage (which is a shame). He said marriage is such a risk and his wife and kids are really demanding of him and his time. Another acquaintance also has a good-looking spouse but I remembered him saying to me when I said she was gorgeous that "more importantly, she's got a good personality too", which is so true.
This sparked a thought in my head about how many men and women who choose to marry good-looking other halves with not that great personalities or heart to match. I realise how blessed I am too to have Phill and we're still enjoying our marriage. Of course there are times when we disagree and I get frustrated (altho sometimes it's just me being quick to anger when it can be talked through calmly) but thankfully, they are few and far between.
People change in a marriage too so how do we know if he/ she is the one? I remember the answer a former work colleague of mine (Elsie, that's you!) gave me when I asked her how she knew her husband was THE ONE. She said to take note of what you say to him and see if he takes it in and that what you say matter and he's willing to improve himself for you. I find that in Phill cos when there's something that irritates me about him, I tell him that and he slowly tries and improve. Ditto with me.
Thank God for Phill!
3 comments:
all that "she got a good personality" thingie is to hide the fact that they are shallow. You dont see these dudes marrying someone not so pretty, but with real character WOmen. I think u know what i meant. They were just clouded by what they can see on the outside. So now they are a bit bored, otherwise you are telling me that this wife has spilt personality and he just discovered it! How did i know Mel is the one? er, ask she, caused she picked me ;> cause i am that shallow lucky guy....
frank...
http://thefoostanfamily.blogspot.com/
Frank, you often say some of the most interesting things. The colleague who said his wife has a good personality meant it because I've heard another colleague say his wife is a saint.
I suppose another question I have with say a man who chose a beautiful wife and then realise he should have picked someone with a better personality, smarter, etc...is, who is to blame? Him or his wife? His wife may not have changed at all and she was happy that he chose her but he isn't happy cos his expectations change. I suppose that's how divorce sometimes happens. We realise expectations change and rather than grow in that relationship, leave and try and find someone who fit the changed set of expectations.
yesterday was our church narried workshop. The speaker said something interesting. Research found out that 70% of our marriage problem CANNOT be solved. I repeat, CANNOT be solved. It is how the couple communicate and work around those problems. 90% of our communication is non-verbal.10% is the content. very interesting. That 1 eyeroll, that one "chi", that tight folded arms speaks louder than the content itself. Some of these couple who are doing better are those that have learnt to laugh about their conflict.anyway, today is friday, yesterday was holiday for us. I am braindead. woke up this morning thinking it is sunday.... God, I know u stopped time for Joshua to him to destory the enemies, today is not the day. Please dont stop time as it seems forever for me to reach 5pm....
take care,
thefoosfamily.
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