35 weeks pregnant and awaiting a miracle!

I haven't written on my blog for a long while.

Besides the highs and lows of life (not in any order) - studies, work, being a wife, etc....I've been thinking of updating my blog but haven't quite kept it up-to-date.

Looking back at the year since my last entry, one dominant thing that pervaded my life has been my sadness, abit of depression but also hopefulness at being able to fall pregnant. Having been obsessed with it for almost 2 years, each month was more difficult as I wondered if it was "it".

I wavered between being happy for expectant mothers to being achingly jealous, and with being filled with joy at seeing little children to being hit with a numbing ache wondering when I could have one of my own who would call me 'mummy'.

My walk with my Lord wavered from trusting in Him, to asking Him to take away my desire to be a mum, to asking Him "why"? I am thankful He stuck with me and sent me family and friends and a fantastic hubby who encouraged me to take another step and to continue to enjoy life.

Then I had a laparoscopy done in October last year and while wishing that there was indeed something wrong with me so that there is some explanation as to why I hadn't yet fallen pregnant, I did wish that I was going to be ok. It was day surgery and so by the time I was wheeled into the operating theatre, I was told by the anaesthetist that she was going to give me something to relax me and I remember looking at the ceiling of the theatre after the drug was administered and thinking, "this isn't working". But within 5 seconds of saying that, the next thing I remembered was feeling drowsy and having hubby trying to keep me awake. It took me more than 2 hours to wake up from the surgery. It was abit embarassing as I could see women in the ward who had surgery after me all awake and smiling at me....but it being my first surgery ever (besides my own birth over 30 years ago), I suppose I can't be blamed.

When I was fully awake, my very nice surgeon came and told me that both my fallopian tubes were blocked and while he was able to unblock one, he wasn't able to unblock the other. He found a 5cm cyst on my right ovary and some endometriosis which he managed to remove too. I remember taking the news calmly and because I was still somewhat drowsy, I listened but didn't think the information sunk in. In a subsequent visit to the doctor, about a week after the surgery, the pervasive thought was that I had only one functioning fallopian tube and that made me even sadder than I already was. I thought it was truly impossible now to fall pregnant.

I remember spending the next few months wavering being sad, to having crying spells and then trusting in the Lord, and even accepting that maybe it's not His Will for me to be a mum. I truly can't imagine how I got through the 2 years that we have been trying to fall pregnant. I shudder at the sadness and the desperation I felt about wanting to be a mother and the numerous times I have asked myself when we should stop trying because it was getting tiring emotionally. I was playing all possible scenarios over and over in my head, especially the scenarios where it is just hubby and I without kids. I refuse to believe that a happy marriage had to include children. I still believe that a happy marriage exists, with or without children. I began to understand too that if we are to be blessed with children, that I remember not to put our children ahead of my hubby.

Hubby and I travelled to Singapore in late Dec 2008 to mid-Jan 2009 and I remember spending some time telling my mum, who told me that she believed I will be pregnant and to keep the faith, that it's easier said than done. I tried to enjoy the trip and to have an entire change of focus to enjoying life rather than be obsessed about falling pregnant.

Shortly after we returned home to Australia, there was a sign to prompt me to do a pregnancy test but because I've done pregnancy tests before when I was late, I didn't want to be too eager to do one this time just in case I am sorely disappointed again. I remember it was 6 February 2009, after prompting by an online friend who was in a support group for mothers who are trying to conceive that I was a part of, that I did the test. When the 2nd line appeared, I couldn't believe it....I thought it must be wrong.....there must be a mistake! When hubby came home and I shared the news with him, he asked me if I was pulling his leg and still refused to believe it - even when I showed him the pregnancy test! I think the time trying to conceive has taken an emotional toll on him too as he shared my disbelief.

The next few months have been:

• - one of anticipation
• - waiting for the first 3 months to be over
• - having the 12th week scan, hoping the baby is healthy and well (and really thankful baby is!)
• - followed by the 19th week scan, where we saw baby in 3D and was so immensely thrilled and thankful again that baby is well and healthy
• - starting to think of names
• - buying pregnancy books
• - buying more maternity clothes
• - trying to enjoy the pregnancy despite tiredness, nausea (not too bad), dry-retching, awful taste in my mouth
• - finding out I have gestational diabetes at 28th week and trying to control it via diet then being put on insulin at 31 weeks
• - juggling tiredness and giving my best at work
• - attending ante-natal classes, and feeling both nervous and excited about labour
• - being told at 33rd week that my hospital policy is to induce me at 38th weeks because I have gestational diabetes and am on insulin - that shaved off the 2 weeks I was going to enjoy putting my feet up! I was in shock and so was hubby!
• - and now, at 35th week, eagerly anticipating to meet our little one and getting excited about the labouring experience.

What have I learnt from being an impatient person who was stomping her feet and demanded to fall pregnant in her time and now, having the gift of life given to her (possibly due to His Grace only)?

• - God does the impossible!
• - He loves me in spite of me, not because of who i am! He is Love and He Loves me! (i pray that i don't take Him for granted as i often do)
• - A supportive husband, family and friends helped me to retain my sanity
• - I needed to get on with living and enjoying life and not put anything or everything on hold, because I may fall pregnant.
• - That my children are mine to care for, love, and be there for, but they ultimately belong to the Lord and my fears and worries for them are eased if I leave them in His Care.

As this child grows, I pray that I will remember at any time that I feel I am lost, losing control, feeling despondent, wanting to give up, and crying, or all of these at once, that I remember to go to the Lord. Even when I am happy and uplifted, that I praise Him and go to Him too.

“And I am with you always, even to the end of the earth.” Matthew 28:20


*examination of the abdominal cavity or performance of minor abdominal surgery using a laparoscope (source: www.dictionary.com)

Gary and Faith = Married!

Phill and I made the trip to Singapore in July, pretty unusual as we only travel to Singapore at the end of the year. But we had a special reason - my younger brother, Gary, was getting married to Faith. Living in Singapore has prevented us from spending more time with Faith but the impression we have is that she's easy-going, has a ready smile, and she is the guru for good eating places in Singapore!

It's so good to see my brother settle down but more so because my sister-in-law is such a nice girl. It's being married to the right person that is a true treasure! Gary is truly blessed!

Gary and Faith had their church wedding on my birthday, today!!! And being the sweet couple they are, after their church wedding and having rested at their hotel, Marriott, they organised to take me to a Russian restaurant at Far East Shopping Centre. I hadn't had Russian cuisine before so I was intrigued....pics below:

The waitress setting fire to our dessert.

It was a visual treat that tantalised our tastebuds too.

SATC rocks!

I like Carrie's and Miranda's outfits!
I enjoyed this scene when Carrie tried on some of her notable dresses - brought back memories!

What was that feather on Carrie's head??? Then I realised in the movie it was a bird. Glad I'm not the only one to think it was a feather though!

I watched Sex and the City with 2 colleagues earlier today. I was initially going to watch it in Singapore but when I heard that Singapore was screening the censored version, I decided to watch it in Australia. Then, I realised the reason for the censorship - Dante!

My verdict? Absolutely loved the movie - it lived up to my expectations and more! It's a funny movie and I was disappointed, though not surprised, that there were so few guys watching the movie at the cinema. And yes, they did look like they were reluctantly dragged to the movie or went cos they were trying to impress a gal.

Out of Carrie, Charlotte, Miranda, and Samantha, I love Miranda's fashion the best! Her clothes, earrings, necklaces. She looked sharp and stylish! I loved most of the songs in the movie too - adding that extra oomph to vital scenes. And although some critics felt the ending was an anti-climax, I understood why it had to be it - so many fans to satisfy!

My main gripe was that all along, I felt Aidan was the right guy, stable, attractive, sporty, one-with-nature, and oh-so-manly, and I would have felt more satisfied if Carrie had ended up with Aidan. So, that crushing scene in one of the series episodes where Aidan was seen carrying a baby, I wished then that he was simply baby-sitting. I know. Me - the delusional one.

Straight after the movie, I wanted to watch the movie again. Yes, that's how much i LOVE the movie. As for the critics? I felt they were just too ready to criticise it and fail to see it for what it's worth, a movie about fashion and relationships. At the end, each gal didn't try and change the other guy. They accepted what they wanted in a relationship, recognised their own shortcomings and decided the type of relationship they wanted. That was quite affirming in terms of what relationships are meant to be - not what we can get from a relationship but what we can offer so that we grow together with our better half to be better persons.

I Love Technology!

I read this article (below) about how a young mum who lost her camera managed to retrieve her photos and interestingly, that of the thieves who stupidly took pictures of themselves with the camera. The special memory card, the Eye-Fi, allowed her to download her photos when the culprits walked past an unsecured network. I love that technology allows you to do that because often, it's the photos we feel sad about losing, not the equipment that is replaceable. Of course, if it's a $10,000 camera, that's quite another story.

And then while watching the news, I saw how technology is incorporated into an American university. While the lecturer teaches and asks questions, the students each has a clicker that they will press with answers of A, B, C or D, and their answers will go towards their final score. That 'forces' students to read up before the lecture and eliminates additional work for lecturers who are inundated with so much marking to do nearly every week! Most lecturers don't just teach one subject. The onus is on the students to work hard and attempt to answer the questions and makes them responsible for their actions.






Lost cameras 'phone home' to catch thieves
June 6, 2008 - 1:02PM

Alison DeLauzon thought the snapshots and home videos of her infant son were gone for good when she lost her digital camera while on vacation in Florida.

Then a funny thing happened: her camera got in touch with her.

Equipped with a special memory card with wireless internet capability, DeLauzon's camera had not only automatically sent her holiday pictures to her computer, but had even uploaded photos of the miscreants who swiped her equipment bag after she accidentally left it behind at a restaurant.

"I opened up the Eye-Fi manager on the computer and, lo and behold, there are the guys that stole our cameras," said DeLauzon, a native of New York. "Not only is it the guy who stole our camera ... but the guy took a picture of (his accomplice) holding our other camera."

DeLauzon received the Eye-Fi, a 2-gigabyte SD memory card that fits into millions of digital cameras, as a holiday gift to go with her Canon camera.

Priced at about $US100, the card automatically uploads pictures to a home computer or online photosharing service as soon as the user is linked to a familiar wireless network.

Luckily, the culprits passed by an unsecured network, whose factory-installed setting matched that of DeLauzon's home system, and the Eye-Fi automatically shipped the photos: first baby pictures, then the snap-happy scoundrels.

Her experience reflects the rise of technology that empowers everyday gadgets to protect themselves or the priceless personal data - from family phone numbers to business budgets - that consumers keep on portable electronics devices.

Cameras are perhaps the most common home-phoning gadget used to thwart criminals.
An eerie case occurred last month, when a Japanese man set up a hidden camera because food was disappearing from his kitchen. While he was out, the camera sent pictures to his mobile phone of the intruder - an unknown woman living secretly in his closet.

A few years ago, there was a well-publicised case of a Sidekick mobile phone that was first lost in a New York taxi, then found by a 16-year-old who used it to take pictures and send instant messages.

But the device's mobile service provider automatically backed up such data on remote computers, allowing the owner's friend, Evan Guttman, to uncover a trail - and launch an online shaming campaign against the 16-year-old, who was eventually arrested.

While passive systems have helped reunite missing gadgets with their owners, more aggressive measures can be employed to protect everything from laptops to iPods and BlackBerrys.

GadgetTrak, sells software that can be loaded onto any of those devices. If a BlackBerry, for example, falls into the wrong hands, the software grabs information from the new user's SIM data card and e-mails it to the rightful owner.

With an Apple Mac computer, the software instructs the built-in camera to take video of the thief and sends to the owner, along information about nearby wireless networks.

Some 20,000 GadgetTrack licenses have been purchased in about one year - including 10,000 from storage company Seagate.

"The reason we have been so successful is that people are not expecting this kind of software to be installed," said Ken Westin, the company's founder. "No security solution is 100 percent - there are always going to be work-arounds. But your average thief is not going to be a computer expert."

DeLauzon didn't want to press charges against the people who had her camera: Both were employees at the restaurant where she dined and accidentally left her photo equipment.
Sure, they were fired - but getting justice was not as important to her as retrieving her memories of her baby boy.

"When we finally got it back, my husband and I spent the night just sitting and watching the videos - stupid videos, like him feeding himself for the first time or him pulling himself up in his crib for the first time. We sat down one night and just relished it."

Reuters

http://www.theage.com.au/news/technology/lost-cameras-phone-home-to-catch-thieves/2008/06/06/1212259068570.html

AFL State of Origin

Phill and I made a trip to Melbourne to watch the AFL State of Origin - Victoria (all players from Victoria) vs the Dream Team (from the rest of the state). It was a chance to watch the best AFL players in the country play at the same time, in one spot! I relished the chance to watch them! Below are some pics of our weekend trip to Melbourne.

The chef at KoKo Black where a Singaporean university classmate, Laura, took us for hot chocolate - yummy!
The beautiful arcade where Koko Black is located. Left, Laura and Phill at our table.
The AFL State of Origin Match at Melbourne Cricket Ground (a beautiful stadium)
My colleague, Lauren, me, and Phill at the stadium
The AFL players in action!

More AFL players in action

Me and my favourite dish - spicy mee pok dry noodles!

While I enjoyed the match, the players did hold back though and didn't play as hard as they usually are with their clubs. That is to be expected. But it was a good match, capped with the fact Victoria won!!!

Barack for 2008!

I have been following (not closely though) the US election campaign. I was initially proud of Hillary Clinton, her achievements, and was glad she was campaigning to be a Democrat nominee. But increasingly, I found myself disagreeing with her public persona and her tactic of launching personal attacks and smear campaign against Obama.

That swung me towards Barack Obama whom I felt was looking ahead rather than looking backwards (as Clinton sometimes has). He may not have as much experience as Hillary but he sure didn't lie about his credentials like she did about avoiding sniper fire at Bosnia. And I love his ingenious way of obtaining political donations. Sure, it was a no-brainer but does that mean Hillary and her team are no-brainers? She obtained donations by asking for large sums while Obama asked for what people could give, so that when he needed more, he could return again to them and asked if they could donate again. So, people who were donating $20 were more likely to give $20 again. For Hillary's donors, it's a huge ask to get them to donate another $100,000 after they've parted with that significant amount.

And if I wish I could sum up my sentiments in a nice, strong, and powerful article, I wish I could write like Anne Applebaum (her article below).


Hillary! It's not about you, so hang up your hat

Anne Applebaum May 9, 2008

Clinton's refusal to see reality is damaging her party and Barack Obama. ARE you tired of the US election campaign? Not really sure what they're arguing about any more? If you're feeling as if you've lost the plot, don't worry. It's not because you're not American, or because you haven't been paying close enough attention: we Americans feel exactly the same.

The malaise that the endless Democratic primary campaign has inspired across the political spectrum was summed up by writer Nora Ephron, who described the ongoing contest between Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama as an "unending last episode of Survivor. They're eating rats and they're frying bugs and they're frying rats and they're eating bugs; no one is ever going to get off the island and I can't take it any more!"

Ephron wrote that a month ago, and nothing has changed. On Tuesday night, primary votes in North Carolina and Indiana once again confirmed everything we knew already. Obama is still safely in the lead, both in the popular vote and in the delegate count. Clinton is still behind. And even if they keep going until the Democratic convention in August, Obama will still be safely in the lead, and Clinton will still be behind. For Clinton to win now, she has to get her party to change the rules of its primary, post hoc (apparently she is planning to try) or bring more states into the union.

Which is ridiculous — but so is this campaign. If you've found the election hard to follow of late, that's because the only real issue at stake is Hillary Clinton's extraordinary, irrational, overwhelming ambition. As I write this, rumours that Clinton intends to drop out are in circulation. Allegedly, she cancelled her talk show appearances yesterday. Allegedly, her campaign is utterly broke. And yet no one can be certain that she won't fight to the last delegate, using up every cent of her own money (she lent her campaign another $6.4 million last week) and every last ounce of the Democratic Party's credibility, because everything we have learnt about her in the past few months indicates this is possible. Clearly, she wants so badly to win that she will try anything — and we know that "anything" includes adopting positions and methods of a kind she once claimed to abhor.

She is not above smear tactics, among them attempts to link Obama to '60s radicals, people with whom he had only the slightest contact, if at all. She is not above hints, verging on racist, that a black man can't win the general election. She is not above exaggerating her achievements, claiming to have helped "bring peace" to Northern Ireland and to have dodged sniper fire in Bosnia.

Bizarre though this will sound to foreign ears, she has also spent much of the past two months trying to remake herself as a whiskey-drinking, gun-toting, blue-collar politician, the candidate of the working class. Although she is a multimillionaire whose best friends are multimillionaires, although she spent most of her life among what can only be described as the elitest of the liberal elite, and although her opponent was raised by a single mother and went to university on scholarships, she has run around in circles trying to convince people that he is the elitist, and she is the populist.

The Chicago Tribune analysed her speeches and determined that she was using grammar and vocabulary several grade levels below that deployed by Obama, "the language of the least-educated, lowest-earning voters". At one point, this long-time supporter of gun control described how her father taught her to shoot.

It would take a psychologist, not a political analyst, to explain why she does this. To prove some feminist point? To show that she's the equal of Bill? To take revenge for Monica?

Still, barring a "deus ex machina" or an Obama implosion of some unpredictable kind, sooner or later she'll have to step down. When she does so, she'll leave a divided party in her wake, as well as a candidate seriously weakened by her prolonged campaign.

You may be bored by the election campaign, but the Democratic Party, when it wakes from this nightmare, will be very angry. And if John McCain beats Obama in November, it is not the Republican Party, but Hillary Clinton who will be blamed. Anne Applebaum is a columnist with The Washington Post.

This article first appeared in the Telegraph. This story was found at:

http://www.theage.com.au/articles/2008/05/08/1210131165200.html

Millie's graduation day

Phill taking Millie through the ropes of an obstacle course

Not a very sharp picture because I took it with my Canon Ixus 75 which is a wonderful and handy camera but doesn't have better flash. I don't envisage myself carrying a huge flash while using this camera either. But...the above pic is of Millie taking her test during her final and 4th lesson of puppy school. She had to walk up a small ramp, sit on the first hula-hoop, and then drop in the second hula-hoop. The puppy school has been good for Millie, and for Phill and I. For us to realise how to train her and to be really patient and persistent with our training. She has been good and always improves from one week to the next. In the 2nd lesson, when the trainer gave her a pig's ear and attempted to take it off her, boy, she growled. This made the trainer ask if we were sure Millie didn't have abit of rottweiler in her. I was surprised how possessive Millie was. We were very pleased with Millie's behaviour towards the other smaller dogs in the class. She is very hyper but she goes down on all fours when she sees a dog which the trainer said is a submissive pose so that the other dogs won't be scared of her. I thought that was really sweet! Millie could have attempted to dominate the other dogs but instead, she decided to make them feel safe and comfortable. I love her!